The Heart's Truth: My Divorce Story

Shubathra Sri Choejor
May 14
5 min read

Updated: May 15

This is a difficult post to write. It is beyond my comfort zone. It's requiring me to go deep into the heart and share something that's hard to explain.

But it needs to be done. Why, you may ask?

Because the heart demands it. It wants to be heard. And perhaps, another heart is seeking answers, and my story may help bring some clarity.

So this is my divorce story.

Apart from parenting, going through separation and divorce was one of the hardest things I've had to do - because it wasnt just any relationship.

We were together for 20 years - 10 years of dating, and 10 years of marriage. That's almost half of my life. Letting go wasn't easy. It was a bond built over time, through memories and milestones. So no, this wasn't a decision I took lightly. It wasn't a spur-of-the-moment decision. It was a slow, aching unreaveling of something I had once believed would last forever.

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The Question That Opened Everything

It started with a heart-opening conversation with a teacher, Maya. I'm not sure what prompted her to ask:

Maya: Are you happy in your marriage?

Me: No.

I paused, wondering where that "No" came from. I wasn't even aware that’s how I felt.

She continued: Do you want to be in the marriage?

Me: I don’t have a choice, I have two young children.

My youngest was only four then.

Maya: Everything has a choice. You get to choose what kind of life you want to live.

That hit me hard.

That conversation gave me many sleepless nights. I had to face a truth that had always been there—but I had never dared to admit it. Despite all the struggles in the marriage, I believed I had to make it work. I thought, “This is for life. I can’t give up.”

However, once the truth is out, you can’t unsee it. You can't lie to yourself anymore.

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People-Pleasing and Self-Abandonment

I imagined all the difficult conversations I would have to face—and I thought only about how others would feel. I was going to hurt them. But now, I see how I was trying not to hurt others while consistently choosing to hurt myself.

I had been people-pleasing all my life to be accepted. I knew it was a pattern I had to break.

So, I gathered the courage to start a heart-to-heart with my then-husband. It was not a quick process. There were many conversations, countless tears, and moments of confusion. We went back and forth for months.

I feared disappointing my mother, hurting my children, and letting down my in-laws. I was afraid of making the wrong decision. I sought advice from everyone—family, healers, teachers. I asked: "What is the lesson here?" I kept looking for a solution, wondering if we just hadn’t tried enough.

Most people advised against separation, with the best of intentions. But their words didn’t sit right with my heart.

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When Logic Fails the Heart

I tried to rationalize the situation. But logic doesn't work when you're engaging with the heart's truth. That wisdom comes from a deeper place. The more I tried to justify and explain it away, the more I felt like my head was going to explode.

Deep down, I knew what the right path was—but I was afraid to walk it. It wasn’t what others wanted for me. But I knew what I wanted for myself. The battle within was constant.

And after a year of deep contemplation and discussions, I initiated the separation and moved out with the kids.

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What Separation Revealed

After the separation, all the buried pain from the marriage came to the surface. I finally began working on what I had ignored for so long: the pain of not listening to my heart.

I had been pushing through, trying to make it work, ignoring how I truly felt.

Many of us become codependent in marriage. We lose ourselves, over-compromise, and enter imbalanced dynamics. We seek love from a partner without first finding it within ourselves. We attract partners who mirror that inner emptiness.

No one can fill the void within but us. When relationships are built from that place, it’s like two children trying to find love in each other.

Separation forced us both to grow up. To face our wounds. To become better people—and better parents.

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What I’ve Learned

The importance of honest, open-hearted, and mature conversations. We used to keep quiet when something didn’t feel right. We avoided the elephant in the room in the name of keeping peace. But issues that go unaddressed never go away—they just come back louder.

The necessity of staying connected to your own heart. I abandoned myself throughout my marriage. I didn’t check in with how I truly felt.

The futility of seeking advice and validation from others. No one else knows what’s going on inside you. People may judge, but only you know what’s right for you. Your heart is your compass.

That for connection to thrive, we must dare to be vulnerable. True connection is born from raw, honest, truth-filled conversations. If we’re not brave enough to show up fully, then how can we ever truly meet each other?

At the end of the day, every relationship supports our soul’s evolution.

For some, the path is to stay and work through it. For others, it’s to say goodbye.

We each have our own journey.

Don’t judge others' choices. You don’t know what someone is going through or what is best for their growth.

Don’t measure others by society’s standards. The heart cannot be confined by the limitations of societal structures or the small, logical mind.

Was this process hard? Oh, hell yes.

Was it worth it? Absolutely.

Going through this experience made both of us better human beings and better parents.

We were forced to grow up—so that we could be examples for our children to live in alignment with themselves.

Children don’t learn from what we tell them—they learn by watching what we do in our lives.

Actions speak louder than words.

So, am I open to love again?

May be.

Not from a place of needing to fill a gap.. but from a place of wholeness.

A heart that has broken and rebuilt itself differently learns to love in a deeper, more conscious way.

If Love is to come again, may it be with someone who sees me as deeply as I see them. Where we can be wildly in love - connected as One, yet still honouring our individual wholeness.

A love where we can grow together, without losing ourselves. Where we choose each other, not out of need, but from freedom, presence and truth. Where we could walk side by side, fully ourselves, fully alive.

I don't know what the future holds. But I do know this:

I trust my heart now. And that's enough.

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Invitation for Comtemplation